Don't punish yourself

If the misfortune has already happened, it is a fait accompli that cannot be changed. You should adjust your mentality and not think about "what if it didn't happen"; and don't think that it could have been changed in one way or another too. It will only increase your suffering, making the results unbearable and then you will become your own abuser.  —Schopenhauer

We all think that only other people can bully us. In fact, I am more cruel than others sometimes. Some people are betrayed by their feelings and living in the shadow of abandonment for life; some people are trapped in the haze of remorse for the rest of their lives because of the temporary negligence.

   We are used to living in a world of "yes" and "no", "good" and "evil", but the real world often has a third choice. So we get lost in the third option, feeling miserable and heartbroken.

   

Read a story:

   There's a man who lived alone by chopping wood and had no wife and children: "Anyway, we are all alone, why don't we build a house for ourselves; so that we can at least have a shelter from the wind and rain when we get old." So he worked hard every day in the future. Before long, a beautiful log cabin was built.

   One day, he went out to sell goods at the market. When he came back, he found that his newly built wooden house was on fire. The surrounding neighbors were helping to bring water to fight the fire. However, the fire was too great. The cabin was burnt down in no time. Looking at the burned house, the neighbors didn't know how to persuade him; however this person was not sad, but ran into the burned ruins and used a wooden stick to seriously look for something in the ruins.

   After a while, he raised an axe and said loudly, "I found it!" People were puzzled and thought he had been hit. Seeing people's reaction, he didn't blame him but explained: "The house is burnt down and can be rebuilt. As long as I have this axe and my healthy body, I'm not afraid of anything."

   There is a Chinese saying, "If you keep the green hills, you won't have to worry about running out of firewood". The days in the future may not be so smooth, but what is the use of just being sad and painful? The past cannot be regretted. We must learn to accept and strengthen our hearts in the process of acceptance.

   A lot of times, it's not the thing that hurts us but the definition we give it. When we change our minds, that event may help us become a better version of ourselves.